Movie Monday Review: How to Steal a Million

How to Steal a Million (1966)

Starring: Audrey Hepburn, Peter O’Toole, Hugh Griffith, Eli Wallach, Charles Boyer, Jacque Marin, and Fernand Gravey

*note: Bonnet is pronounced Bo-nay.

Summary

Wealthy art collector, Charles Bonnet (Hugh Griffith), lives in Paris with his only daughter Nicole (Audrey Hepburn). Mr. Bonnet sells his priceless art treasures by Lautrec and Van Gogh, making a fortune at the art auctions. However, only he and his daughter know that they are not genuine, but painted by Mr. Bonnet himself. Slightly annoyed at her father, Nicole tries to convince him not to continue selling forged paintings, as that is illegal.

I keep trying to tell you Papa, when you sell a fake masterpiece, that is a crime!

Van Gogh’s “Van Gogh” or Bonnet’s??

Nevertheless, Mr. Bonnet is determined to continue as it is a game, of sorts, to stay ahead of it all. He tries to convince Nicole that what he does is not a crime at all, because he only sells them to rich people. Soon, the museum director Grammont (Fernand Gravey) arrives with an entourage of security officers to pick up a “priceless” work of art: The Cellini Venus statue. Nicole is flabbergasted, because the particular statue that they have in their possession was not made by Cellini! It was made by her own grandfather (another forger) with her grandmother having posed for it. The statue is given to Grammont to display at the museum, free of charge. With great ceremony, they return to the museum. Mr. Bonnet is superiorly pleased with himself for having pulled off such a thing! Nicole is worried that they’ll have the statue tested for originality. But Mr. Bonnet declares that they won’t test it, since he’s not charging them rent for it, indeed this is why he hasn’t even sold it, although he was painfully given an offer of a million dollars for it.

Mr. Bonnet – the forger

That evening, Mr. Bonnet goes to the museum for the grand exhibition, but Nicole decides to stay home. In bed, reading Alfred Hitchcock, Nicole hears a noise in the house. She is quite alarmed and sneaks downstairs to find a burglar (Peter O’Toole) handling her father’s Van Gogh, only recently painted. He chips a piece off the painting and is handling the painting, unaware of the quiet Nicole. Scared, she grabs an ornamental pistol off the wall and holds the man at gunpoint. He, just as startled as she is, sets the painting down and tries to convince her that he is just a simple burglar and that they have so many other paintings, one wouldn’t be missed. Nicole threatens to call the police, but then stops, realizing the painting in question is a forgery and it wouldn’t be prudent to get the police involved. She tells him that she’ll let him go and sets the gun down on the table. Unfortunately, the gun is loaded and goes off, shooting a very shocked young man!

Catching a “burglar”!

Pitying Nicole to bandage him up, she does so. He finally convinces her that he couldn’t possibly drive home, not with a wounded arm. She puts iodine on him telling him it’s only a flesh wound, to which he responds, “but it’s my flesh!” Nicole feels sorry for him and, in her night gown, goes out to drive him home. Finding a very nice sports car, she determines that he must be a chic and sophisticated burglar. He informs her that it’s stolen, to which she says she can’t possible drive it then! He simply says…

“Same principle, four gears forward, one reverse.”

He instructs her to go the Ritz. She is shocked that a burglar could live there and proceeds to take him on one of the wildest rides of his life. At the hotel, he reveals that his name is Simon Dermott and then gets her a taxi, because she has no other way to get home. Returning, she tells her father of the evenings events, to which he is shocked as well. She tells him that a tall, handsome, blue-eyed burglar arrived…but of course, he was brutal!

The next day, Nicole goes to the museum to check on the Cellini Venus. There, she bumps into Simon. Worried that he’s there to try and steal the Venus, she tries to get rid of him. However, she is stopped by Grammont who wants to show Nicole how her statue is protected. He shows her the electronic sensor detection eyes surrounding the statue, how there are guards on duty overnight, and that only two guards (and himself) know the code to release it. Nicole is nervous that Grammont is giving Simon all this information and immediately makes an exit, dragging Simon with her. Nicole tells Simon to stay away.

Grammont explaining their security to Simon and Nicole

Simon goes on his way, meeting up with an art dealer, DeSolnay (Charles Boyer), at the auction house. DeSolnay wants to know if Simon was successful, was the Van Gogh in the Bonnet house real? Simon does not give a definite answer, but questions DeSolnay for suggesting Bonnet is a forger if he owns a million dollar statue and is willing to display it. DeSolnay is not convinced and is still cautious.

A rich American millionaire, Davis Leland (Eli Wallach), “bumps” into Nicole and asks her out. Mr. Bonnet tells her that he is a world-renown art collector and has even bought some of the “Bonnet Collection”. Nicole finds this odd, because when she met Leland, he said he was only passingly interested in art. She thinks that Leland suspects her father as a forger. At the restaurant, she finds out that it was all a ploy to get to Mr. Bonnet in the hopes that Nicole could convince her father to sell Leland the Cellini Venus. She tells him it’s hopeless and gives him a kiss as a consolation prize.

Leland takes action!

Relieved, Nicole tells her father the next morning of the good news. But on the heels of good news, comes bad news. A man from the museum arrives saying that a signature was supposed to be gotten from Mr. Bonnet at the time the statue was collected by the museum. It is an insurance form, insuring the Cellini Venus for one million dollars against all calamity. Mr. Bonnet signs it quickly. He is surprised when the museum agent asks if Mr. Bonnet would like to be around for the technical examination of the statue. This sends Mr. Bonnet and Nicole into a panic, now it will be known that it’s a forgery and all the other works sold by Bonnet will also be scrutinized.

Signing his life away…

Nicole has an idea and quickly phones the Ritz Hotel. After much conversation, she convinces Simon to help her steal the statue, but will not tell him why. He doesn’t completely agree that this is enough and suggests that they steal something else, something easier. Her remark…

You don’t think I would steal something that doesn’t belong to me, do you?

Simon begins to think through how he’s going to steal the statue. They scout out the museum and while Simon looks over the statue, he can’t help but wonder at how much the statue looks like Nicole! Nicole tries to pass it off, but he’s quite convinced there’s a resemblance. Still, Simon is skeptical. She doesn’t understand why he’s so nervous, isn’t he a burglar?? Wandering through a park, he buys a boomerang and begins throwing it around. Nicole is flustered and just wants to steal the statue before the technical examination. Finally, Simon gives way and tells Nicole to meet him at the museum just before closing.

Simon and Nicole before closing

As Nicole is leaving, she is met by Leland who says she is the best woman alive and proposes to her. She, being in a hurry to leave, accepts and runs off. Meeting with Simon, who is flabbergasted that she got engaged to “some guy”, suggests that she could go back and get married, because they have a few more minutes before closing. Declining, they go into the museum and get into position. At closing time, they cram into the cleaning closet…and then, they wait. However, they get locked in. Nicole begins to panic, but Simon quips that there’s more adventure this way.

Simon and Nicole in the closet

Managing to use magnets and other random tools, Simon gets them both out of the closet and uses his boomerang to set off the electronic eyes around the statue. Running back to the closet, the alarms sound furiously and the guards run everywhere. The police arrive only to find nothing wrong. Convinced that nothing is amiss, the guards return and the hidden couple wait some more. A while later, Simon lets it out that he knows the Venus is a fake, but is doing this because he loves Nicole! To Nicole’s great joy!

Boomerang time!

Later, Simon again uses his boomerang to set off the alarms and again the guards and police arrive. Running in all directions, they still can find nothing wrong. Calls from high officials, complaining of the loud noises causes the chief guard (Jacque Marin) to turn the “obviously” broken alarm off! Simon is completely surprised that his plan worked, but is happy nonetheless. Retrieving the statue and replacing it with a bottle of wine, they are just barely in time before the cleaning women come in. Simon puts the statue in with cleaning supplies and sends Nicole out amongst the women to blend in.

Blending in!

While they clean, the guards come out and are making conversation, soon noticing the statue is gone. The chief guard sounds the alarm and the police arrive. Complete confusion is everywhere. Nicole manages to escape with Simon through the basement and they are away!

The next day, the museum director is heartbroken that the statue was stolen and before it was insured. Playing along, Mr. Bonnet wears black and sheds a tear, but is secretly thrilled that he won’t get caught.

Simon meet Papa!

Davis Leland meets with DeSolnay, asking if he knows the whereabouts of the Cellini Venus. DeSolnay sends him to the only man who might know, Simon Dermott. Meeting with Simon, Leland insists on trying to get the statue, even if it’s stolen. Simon makes it quite clear that even if he could get the statue for him, it would never be displayable, seeing as it’s a stolen article. Leland doesn’t care, his passion wants it more. Simon tells Leland that he must cut off all relationships with the Bonnet family or the plan will be found out. Leland, therefore, calls off his engagement with Nicole and Simon “manages” to get the statue for him.

The great exchange!

Simon meets with Nicole to celebrate. She is excited that she pulled off her first burglary and Simon quietly says it was the same for him. Surprised, she thought he was a burglar by trade. He explains that, no, he is not a burglar. In fact, he is an expert in security for museums all over the world. Having degrees in chemistry and art, his job is to seek out forgers and expose them. He was close to exposing Mr. Bonnet, before Nicole stopped him. Shocked, Nicole doesn’t know what to do and then her father arrives. Simon tells Mr. Bonnet that he has plans for the “Cellini Venus” and will take care of everything. He warns Mr. Bonnet that he must stop forging paintings or action will be taken. Mr. Bonnet “agrees” and sends Simon and Nicole off to get married. But, of course, we know that nothing can stop Mr. Bonnet from his life of adventure!

Mr. Bonnet with Simon

Review

How to Steal a Million is a charming movie with an ingenious plot! The chemistry between O’Toole and Hepburn is amazing, they work together quite well. The humor, acting, and facial expressions of Hugh Griffith would leave someone to ask for no more! The dialogue is hilarious and will leave you laughing! But, of course, you can’t leave out the amazing score by John Williams. Perfectly suited to the storyline, you will enjoy listening to the music all the time.

Quite clean, only watching for a couple of bad words. The movie is remarkable for a 1960s film, as far as being family friendly. A comedy to be sure, but with plenty of mystery for everyone. The nice part of the movie, is that even though they “get away” with their plan, they actually don’t win out, per se, making it feel more “morally righteous”.

Don’t miss out on a treasure of a film!

Ellen Nolan

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