Conquer Right Now

My sister made a goal in 2020 to read as many books as she could and she read quite a bit. For 2021, she made it her goal to read twice as many books as she read last year! That sounded like an ambitious, but great goal. I didn’t really read much in 2020, much to my sadness, so doubling that wouldn’t be worth too much for me.

When I was in college I read quite a bit, making it a habit to read out of a pleasure book every night before bed. Actually, I got a lot accomplished during those years in all areas of life. I was fit, I was active, and was in a better place all around. When I graduated and had tons of time, however, I didn’t read as much, and really didn’t get as much accomplished, in general.

Why???

When time is precious, like when one is under a heavy schedule in college, everything is plotted and planned. If I wanted to read, I made time for it, because it was important to me. The same with any habit, really. I was habitual with things and it was a fruitful time of my life. Bible reading, volunteering, projects, pleasure reading, journaling, playing instruments, and time with family all got inserted in between my many college courses.

Upon graduation, when I had all the time in the world, I lost the habits because now I could “do whatever I wanted”. With a free schedule, I didn’t have to do anything, therefore, I didn’t do anything. Things I had been doing for years, like journaling every night, got forgotten and I didn’t seem to care…but I did care.

The first couple of years after graduation, I worked from home for a start-up company as their marketing director. It was a very small position with very few hours, but it gave me lots of experiences! I enjoyed the people I worked with and what I got to learn was great. Unfortunately, I had a lot of free time that I didn’t use, wandering around with a mentality that I was “free” from my busy schedule at last.

My freedom was wasted.

I didn’t get anything done, got into poor health habits, basically didn’t read any books, and my life seemed to be losing control. I was frustrated.

A couple years later and 2020 changed a lot of that. I lost my job. I got so much done in quarantine! And, then I got a new job. Later in the year, my sister and I decided to do a 10-day cleanse. Who would have thought that 10 days would change my life in so many ways? For the first time in years, I had discovered an answer to my eczema! But it also showed me something else…I did not want to let go of “self” or the things that I thought “made me happy”. Recognition that I wanted my comforts more than anything else woke me up to the realization that I needed to get in a correct orientation with God. The false illusion of freedom seemed appealing, but was really a façade for what I knew was better. I discovered that what I thought was freedom, wasn’t really freedom at all, it was just me trying to please self.

The process of physically cleansing made me frustrated. Partially, because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and partially because of what the cleansing process was revealing in all areas of my life. The Lord taught me a lot during that time and I came out of it better than before, though a little ashamed.

However, no sooner had I finished two months of this health experiment when I slipped back into some pretty poor habits again. It was very discouraging to think I still needed to work on self-discipline and self-control so badly. Nevertheless, a New Year presents opportunity to start fresh! Right?

Here it is, nearly February, and I’m still not in a groove, in fact, I’m far from it. I keep telling myself “tomorrow is a good day to start” and then tomorrow begs for another tomorrow.

Reminds me of the quote from The Music Man:

You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find that you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.

I’m discovering that sometimes it’s better to start “right now” instead of just on January 1st. Better to determine that right now I’m going to do a better job, to tackle that difficult habit, or maybe just pick up a book. Today is a good day to eat healthy, to journal, to read the Bible.

The Lord has given me lots of second chances and I don’t want to waste them, even though it’s hard. Prayer is so special, it’s that connection to the Lord. I discovered that He is more than willing to help me, but I have to let Him. I really have to let Him.

So, my ambition is not to simply have New Year’s resolutions, but to be living life so that I’m moving forward all the time. To create habits that are healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually. To be on the lookout for ways that I can draw closer to the Lord, not pretend. I want to be purposeful with what I do. To be learning and growing each day.

I know for a fact that this will not be easy. There will be days when I want to give in and there will be days when I fail. However, I know that I can do great things with the Lord on my side, can I afford to not do anything with that?

Join me on the journey, I’ll be posting about reading goals, health goals, and inspiring people to learn from.

I’d love to hear how 2021 is starting out for you! Do you have goals for this year? Let me know below or by emailing me at allthedailysentiment@gmail.com

Maz